They say I’m indestructible…

They say I’m indestructible.

They also say that the law of big numbers says things have to go my way one of these days.

Yesterday, I went to see my neurologist. If you’re wondering why a 30-year-old man has to go see a neurologist, the answer is that I survived brain cancer last year. And this fall, I had what everyone thought was a stroke.

Except it wasn’t.

My neurologist told me the news straight up: I have multiple sclerosis.

When my mom found out she had it, she had my dad by her side. When I found out, I had four office walls, an exam room, and a chair.

They say I’m indestructible. Except I’m not. And I’ve never felt more alone in my life.

They say the law of big numbers evens everything out eventually. Eventually can’t come soon enough.


12 responses to “They say I’m indestructible…

  1. words are worthless………be strong, I know you are.

  2. Met you two weeks ago for the first time. So very sorry to hear your news. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers.

  3. About twenty years ago, my brother-in-law was diagnosed with MS. Last year, my sister-in-law was diagnosed with MS. What are the odds of that? Both are still living full lives, both are still productive.

    Perhaps it seems glib for me to say this, but the one fact of life is that it is impermanent. The one mandate that we can make for ourselves is to live life for our own sake.

    You are your own strength, but don’t be too afraid or proud to draw on the strength of others. You’re not alone and there is much more that lies ahead.

  4. Know that no matter any empty room on any day, you are not alone Raf. In the little time I’ve known you, I’ve come to see the warrior in you and though I know you’ll be strong, know too that even the strongest needs to lean on his friends, his brothers and those whose lives you’ve touched – we’re all here for you. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers!

  5. Words fail. Bless you for all you have done. And all you will do.

  6. There’s nothing I can say that will cheer you up or ever attempt to make this any better. Just please know that many of us will try to move mountains when asked. Never forget that.

  7. Raf – you know how to reach me. I’ve treated MS a lot and know all of the right techniques. I know it’s a 70 mile drive, but consider yourself my latest pro bono client should you want me to be involved in your treatment plan.

  8. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  9. Raf, you know I’m always available to talk. Don’t let yourself get into one of those isolation “funks.” I can’t say anything poetic, and I’ll spare you the faux optimism, but I do know what it’s like to feel alone and close to the proverbial edge. So be strong for us.

  10. Raf, from one cancer survivor to another, I think the incorrigible Henry Miller had it right:

    “Life moves on whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we could but realize it, than to accept life unquestionably. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such.”

  11. Raf, I met you at Camp Wellstone and was so impressed. Continue speaking out, moving mountains, and helping people. I will keep you in my prayers and hope for the day we find a cure for MS.

  12. Raf, just found this post. Know that you have many friends many places. I’m farther away now (in New Mexico) but you are in our thoughts. Hang in there and let me know if I can do anything to help.