Writing has been light lately, mostly because I’m reading two books for review, and neither is what you’d call a light read.
While I’m here, though, I wanted to point you to my pal Ezra’s brief post on dating. It’s not much of an essay (I agree with his take on Forgetting Sarah Marshall), and it links over to this n + 1 essay that I somewhat agree with, despite the slight unreality of it (you’re only likely to spend $100 on dinner in say, NYC or DC — here in Denver, you’re looking at about $35-$50).
I think both folks slightly miss the point though. The reason dating isn’t fun is because it’s a lot like a job interview — you’re applying for the position of someone’s significant other.
I think this is part of the reason why I haven’t really bothered dating or even really seeing someone since I broke up with my wife. And it’s not because I wouldn’t like to — I would, but really, what’s the point?*
The way dating is set up in our society, it’s a high-risk, low-yield scenario, for both women and men — I don’t think I need to go into detail about that.
It’s a wonder we get on in the ways in which we do!
Lest you think that I’m kidding, I was hosting a party last Wednesday. As I was circulating among my guests, I ran into a very pretty woman who wanted to ask a guy at our party out. I immediately told her to go ask him — but instead, she dithered around and did anything but. As it turned out, the guy in question was gay, so the point was mooted, but still.
This isn’t an uncommon occurrence. It happens all the time. And it’s not the world’s greatest problem, but still…
UPDATE: I removed a graf that badly mangled what I was trying to say, and came off sounding more than a bit chauvinistic.
What I was trying to say is that if you’re a woman, and you ask a guy out — that’s not being “easy” or anything like that. Totally the opposite — do this more! Please! Thanks to my friend K for pointing this out.
* Before you all jump to conclusions, I’m not miserable about this — that’s not why I’m writing this. Dating sucks, that’s all, and the subject’s come up in a lot of conversations lately, which led to this brief essay.
As for me, I’m a generally busy guy, and in my experience, dating has involved trying to divine what the person sitting across the table from me is thinking — which blows, in and of itself, because while I’ve been given many gifts, mind-reading isn’t one of them. I have time for lots of stuff, but that isn’t one of them, and neither is pointless small talk (that’s what elevators are for).
So I don’t date. I figure, if someone wants to get to know me (the ostensible point of dating) they know where to find me (usually at some political thing or another) and how to get a hold of me (the email on the sidebar is a good bet!). :-).
Finally, if you have any response — or funny dating horror stories! — let me know, and I’ll sling them up here. Drop me a line.