It’s 12:52 AM, and I just got in from my latest dating misadventure.
Before you start playing the world’s smallest violas for me, please realize that at this point, this is becoming more fodder for stories than anything else. It’s not that I’ve given up on the whole concept of dating; rather, it’s that there’s two ways to approach it:
- Mope around, gnash teeth/rend clothes/wring hands, and generally make yourself and everyone around you miserable; or,
- Shake your head, smile bemusedly, and file away the experience for a story.
It’s obvious which I’ve chosen. The advantage of the latter option is that you get to laugh at my romantic ineptitude.
Anyway, tonight. I’d spent the previous week on the road, and classes start on Monday, so I wasn’t planning on anything ambitious. I got an email from M, wondering if I’d be interested in grabbing a drink after dinner.
I don’t know her, but her profile on OKCupid looks legit. After a moment’s hesitation, I say yes. Why not? My options at this point tonight are:
- Hone my batting skills on “Wii Sports” or my skiing skills on the PS3;
- Watch “Up in the Air” or catch up on my Hulu queue;
- Work on other posts for my blog (so I can sharpen my writing skills)
Note that none of these things involve other people. I’m basically a hermit when I’m not on the road (hence my post on loneliness the other day), and I’m in a dry spell that’s lasted over a year at this point. I’ve got nothing to lose. Worst case, I’m sitting here writing about it.
Well, I’m writing about it.
M’s a good person. Someday, some guy somewhere is going to be head over heels about her. I’m not that guy, mostly because we had nothing in common. I mean, nothing. Every attempt at extended conversation ended awkwardly, so awkwardly that I was becoming uncomfortable.
After a couple of drinks, we agreed to go our separate ways. I paid for the drinks, walked outside with M, and that’s when she asked me if I wanted to do this again.
I hesitated, sighed quietly, looked at her and said:
“Listen, I don’t know if that would be a good idea. You’re great, but I think we’re looking for different things, I think…”, letting the statement trail off into the night. I said good night, and walked my own way.
I know I did the right thing tonight, but I feel…I don’t know. Puzzled? Bemused? It’s hard to describe. I don’t feel bad.
What I feel is lost, like I’m in the tall grass, unsure of what to do or how to do it. And I’m not sure that I’m going to find out anytime soon.